Top Ten Atrocities That Would Be Committed If DIC Bought The US Rights To Escaflowne
By Yumemisama
10. Merle's shirt/dress would suddenly become at least six inches longer.
9. Fight scene betwen Naria and Eriya-- and subsequent rolling about on the floor-- edited out. [After all, the Furball Twins curling up together like--gasp--CATS would never make it past the American censors.]
8. All vocal songs would be taken out of the soundtrack, except for Yakusoku wa Iranai, which would be re-recorded and re-written with English lyrics that have absolutely nothing to do with what Sakamoto sings in Japanese, and retitled simply The Theme Song.
7. Escaflowne would no longer run other Melefs through with its sword; instead, Van would use his Magic Dragon Prince Wand on the Dragon Slayers and turn them back into normal humans with none of that pesky bloodlust, who would then go home to Zaibach, having learned their lessons.
6. No one would take off *anything* to pop their wings.
5. Dilandau and Serena would suddenly acquire different voice actors, allowing Dilandau to sing as a bass and Serena to squeak worse tham Yuuki Miaka.
4. Elimination of those pesky plot points in the dialogue would allow for an almost infinite number of uses of that stock footage roll entitled Man Climbing Into Melef before all battle scenes.
3. Prince Sid's hair and eyes would be recolored brown, his name changed to Princess Anna, and he would suddenly have nothing at all to do with Allen. Millerna consequently finds a brand-new casserole recipe in Marlene's diary, and her conversations with Hitomi both by the castle windows and hanging up the laundry become even more pointless.
2. Folken's arm no longer torn off in a spray of blood; rather, the earth dragon casts a magical spell and it disappears in a puff of purple smoke.
And the number one atrocity....
1. After every show will be added a short segment called "Isaac Says" where Dornkirk uses the Fate Redirector to teach kids important lessons about physics.