Things We've Learned In College
(Even those of us who aren't there yet)
There are twenty different ways to kill people in German.
Sterben = to die
Töten = to kill
Ermorden = to murder
Umbringen = to kill
Erschießen = to shoot
Schießen auf = to shoot at
Erstechen = to stab
Schießen auf = to shoot at
Vernichten = to kill
Zu Fall Bringen = to kill
Abschlachten = to kill
Totschlagen = to kill
Totschweigen = to slay
Umaommen = to die
Untergehen = to die
Absterben = to die
Schmachten = to die
Vergiften = to poison
Durchstechen = to run through
Totumschlagen = to beat to death
Totschießen = to shoot dead
Eine pistolen zielen = to aim the pistol
Fesselen = to tie up
Knebelen = to gag
Erwürgen = to strangle
Umschädlich machen = to kill someone (so that he can't hurt you)
Fürimmerzum Schweigen Bringen = to silence someone forever.
Totstellen = to feign death
Pobelnstudentendurchtobenvongetöten = to be killed by a rampaging mob of students
Satsuriku = bloodbath
Chimamire = covered in blood
Sexual reproduction can best be described as the collision of two bodies.
Never eat the chicken bowls at the Union. You will be sorry.
When they say they're going to collect the homework, they won't. When they swear they're not, they will.
TA's grade harder than professors. We think it's due to bitterness.
Losing a minus sign is easier than you think.
If someone puts a gun to your head at two in the morning, you are likely to get the order of the rate reaction wrong.
Do not pull on lightsabers, and always let go if the person on the other end is whimpering.
Always keep track of your pants -- you might miss them some day.
"It's best to get them drunk before you start cutting them open."
¡No quiero más queso fuichi del cabra!
Never put a squirrel in your pants unless you're ready to bounce (and play keyboards).
"Don't worry. The car is front wheel drive...."
"This warrior has taken off his bunny ears for you."
"In the name of the bunny ears, I will punish you!"
"...Blue Light Special...!"
"Did you know your daughter is quite a proficient grave robber? [...] Next time you come by, I'll dig someone up for you just to show you how it's done." -- David Eddings, Polgara the Sorceress
"How can you disembowel someone just a bit?" -- David Eddings, Polgara the Sorceress
"Ether burns. . . It burns a nice pretty yellowy orangy shade. . . And Phillip does interesting things when it is burning. This generally increases our vocabulary by leaps and bounds. (we learned all sorts of interesting things about the parentage and sexual habits of the chemicals involved.)"
- The vapor trails involved could have some interesting uses in sky writing.
"If you leave things in the fridge too long they develop nuclear capabilities. Whoever said mould couldn't evolve was WRONG!!!"
You can get much purer than Everclear...and drinkable too.
Grad labs double well as Ecstasy labs.
Life is a Divine Prank.